SOME JOKES YOU HEARD OR READ ARE JUST TOO FUNNY TO BE FORGOTTEN!…HERE ARE THREE OF THEM

SOME JOKES YOU HEARD OR READ ARE JUST TOO FUNNY TO BE FORGOTTEN!...HERE ARE THREE OF THEM

1.FAMILY TIES

…recently, Ebi,a six-year-old pupil of a Government primary school in Twon-Brass, Bayelsa state was given the beating of his life by the mother for not being able to provide the answer to a simple mental arithmetic of “five times five”

…at the peak of the punishment the illiterate father walked in after a hectic day on the waters where he went a-fishing…….on seeing what was going on he screamed “Mama Preye why are you beating my son as if he stole anything?”……the almost illiterate woman replied “Can you imagine that he no sabi common arithmetic like five times five?”

…furiously the man spat back”What of you? You sabi am? To God if you no tell me five times five now now this stick go fall for your body!”
…and smiling as if she just won a lottery the woman said”five times five no be 555?..na dat one small pikin no fit know?”

…..then the man,after a few seconds replied “na God save you today,i think say you na no fit know am”….he then dropped the long stick…

SOME JOKES YOU HEAR OR READ ARE TOO FUNNY TO BE FORGOTTEN!...HERE ARE THREE OF THEM

WHAAAAT!

2.WHAT IF A GUN IS POINTED AT YOUR HEAD?

Two friends are at a bar.After a few bottles of star lager and stout by each  of them the following conversation ensued

1st friend…”what is it that you cannot do even if a gun is pointed to your head by an armed robber?”

2nd friend…”why are you asking me? Abi my friend na armed robber?”

1st friend…”no,i am remembering what somebody said when he was asked the same question”

2nd friend…now getting interested..” who and what did he say?”

1st friend…”this question was put last week to Hon Ozo Cyprian UGHAMADU,former deputy speaker Anambra State House of Assembly by BLUNT “a column of the unexpected ” under the weekly called NATIONAL LIFE and this is what he had to say….

‘i would not betray a trust or twist what i know to be the truth….the fact is that i would rather be blunt and set the records straight than sulk in silence….so at gun point i will speak my mind if i am convinced about it and my conscience tells me that what i am doing is for public good,i will stand by it no matter the circumstance…forget about the gun i will tell the armed robber what i feel just before you make up your mind to blow my head off’

…so my friend over to you…what would  you  have done?”

2nd friend…”good talk, brave honorable…..i wish there are many men of great valor like you in our country…men who are not like me…because if at gun point i am asked to call myself a cow i will gladly do so despite knowing that i am not one…if a boy puts a gun  to my head and asks me to jump up 5 times i will do so 7 times!…..the only thing i will not do and can not do is to sexually assault my own child……i’d rather die…”

So our  brodas and sistas, please tell us what you can never do with a gun POINTED at your head.

3.TO RETRY, ABORT OR CANCEL?

Husband, a bald Computer Professor who deeply loves his work returned home late from work

 and had the following conversation with his troublesome  wife:

Husband:                  Hi dear. I’m logged in (meaning “I am home, dear”)

Wife:                          Have you brought the grocery?

Husband:                 Bad command or file name

Wife:                          But I told you in the morning?

Husband:                 Erroneous syntax, abort, retry, cancel?

Wife:                          What about the new TV you promised to get?

Husband:                  Variable not found

Wife:                           Okay, give me your credit card. I need to do some shopping

Husband:                 Sharing violation, access denied

Wife:                         It was a great mistake that I married an idiot like you

Husband:                  Yes, data type mismatch

Wife:                         You are useless

Husband:                  File in use, try after some time

Wife:                         Who was the lady I saw in in your car on campus this morning?

Husband:                 System is unstable. Press ALT + CTRL + DEL twice to reboot

Wife:                          I have not prepared any food for you. But check the fridge for some snacks

Husband:                  File system full

Wife:                           Again, what is the relationship with your receptionist whom I saw in your car today?

Husband:                   Only user with WRITE permission

Wife:                            Is that your answer? What  exactly is my value to you  in this family?

Husband:                   Unknown virus

Wife:                            Me? Do you love me at all or just your computer only. Or are you’re just being funny?

Husband:                    Too many parameters!

Wife:                             I will go to my dad’s house

Husband:                     This program has performed an illegal operation and will be terminated

Wife:                             I’ll leave you forever

Husband:                     Close all programs and log out and then log in as another user

Wife:                              It’s worthless talking to you

Husband:                       Shutdown the computer

Wife:                               I’m going

Husband:                       It’s now safe to turn off your computer

 First two copied from Nigerian social magazines and third one copied from a Christ’s School  Ado-Ekiti Alumni website but originally written by jelly.b

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s