…recently, Ebi,a six-year-old pupil of a Government primary school in Twon-Brass, Bayelsa state was given the beating of his life by the mother for not being able to provide the answer to a simple mental arithmetic of “five times five”
…at the peak of the punishment the illiterate father walked in after a hectic day on the waters where he went a-fishing…….on seeing what was going on he screamed “Mama Preye why are you beating my son as if he stole anything?”……the almost illiterate woman replied “Can you imagine that he no sabi common arithmetic like five times five?”
…furiously the man spat back”What of you? You sabi am? To God if you no tell me five times five now now this stick go fall for your body!”
…and smiling as if she just won a lottery the woman said”five times five no be 555?..na dat one small pikin no fit know?”
…..then the man,after a few seconds replied “na God save you today,i think say you na no fit know am”….he then dropped the long stick…
2.WHAT IF A GUN IS POINTED AT YOUR HEAD?
Two friends are at a bar.After a few bottles of star lager and stout by each of them the following conversation ensued
1st friend…”what is it that you cannot do even if a gun is pointed to your head by an armed robber?”
2nd friend…”why are you asking me? Abi my friend na armed robber?”
1st friend…”no,i am remembering what somebody said when he was asked the same question”
2nd friend…now getting interested..” who and what did he say?”
1st friend…”this question was put last week to Hon Ozo Cyprian UGHAMADU,former deputy speaker Anambra State House of Assembly by BLUNT “a column of the unexpected ” under the weekly called NATIONAL LIFE and this is what he had to say….
‘i would not betray a trust or twist what i know to be the truth….the fact is that i would rather be blunt and set the records straight than sulk in silence….so at gun point i will speak my mind if i am convinced about it and my conscience tells me that what i am doing is for public good,i will stand by it no matter the circumstance…forget about the gun i will tell the armed robber what i feel just before you make up your mind to blow my head off’
…so my friend over to you…what would you have done?”
2nd friend…”good talk, brave honorable…..i wish there are many men of great valor like you in our country…men who are not like me…because if at gun point i am asked to call myself a cow i will gladly do so despite knowing that i am not one…if a boy puts a gun to my head and asks me to jump up 5 times i will do so 7 times!…..the only thing i will not do and can not do is to sexually assault my own child……i’d rather die…”
So our brodas and sistas, please tell us what you can never do with a gun POINTED at your head.
3.TO RETRY, ABORT OR CANCEL?
Husband, a bald Computer Professor who deeply loves his work returned home late from work
and had the following conversation with his troublesome wife:
Husband: Hi dear. I’m logged in (meaning “I am home, dear”)
Wife: Have you brought the grocery?
Husband: Bad command or file name
Wife: But I told you in the morning?
Husband: Erroneous syntax, abort, retry, cancel?
Wife: What about the new TV you promised to get?
Husband: Variable not found
Wife: Okay, give me your credit card. I need to do some shopping
Husband: Sharing violation, access denied
Wife: It was a great mistake that I married an idiot like you
Husband: Yes, data type mismatch
Wife: You are useless
Husband: File in use, try after some time
Wife: Who was the lady I saw in in your car on campus this morning?
Husband: System is unstable. Press ALT + CTRL + DEL twice to reboot
Wife: I have not prepared any food for you. But check the fridge for some snacks
Husband: File system full
Wife: Again, what is the relationship with your receptionist whom I saw in your car today?
Husband: Only user with WRITE permission
Wife: Is that your answer? What exactly is my value to you in this family?
Husband: Unknown virus
Wife: Me? Do you love me at all or just your computer only. Or are you’re just being funny?
Husband: Too many parameters!
Wife: I will go to my dad’s house
Husband: This program has performed an illegal operation and will be terminated
Wife: I’ll leave you forever
Husband: Close all programs and log out and then log in as another user
Wife: It’s worthless talking to you
Husband: Shutdown the computer
Wife: I’m going
Husband: It’s now safe to turn off your computer
First two copied from Nigerian social magazines and third one copied from a Christ’s School Ado-Ekiti Alumni website but originally written by jelly.b